A Catholic Parent’s Back to School Guide for Sexual Education in the Home

There are not as many parents jumping for joy this year as they get their children ready for going back to school. The new Ontario Sex Ed Program has done a lot to put a damper on things for Canadian parents. Some will decide to put their children in private schools where they can be assured of the teachings their children will receive, some will home school, some will decide to have their children removed from the sexual education part of the curriculum, and some will let things happen as the government wants it to happen. But no matter what a poor parent decides, they are still the primary educator of their children and they must use this time of the year to reflect on that responsibility.

The Pontifical Council on the Family makes it clear that parents should be the “original and primary, irreplaceable and inalienable, educators of the children…as it is parents who have given life to their children, on them lies the gravest obligation of educating their family.  They must therefore be recognized as being primarily and principally responsible for their education…The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute”  (Second Vatican Council on Christian Education)

But we also know that the school is important too. “The task of imparting education belongs primarily to the family, but it requires the help of society as a whole….Among the various organs of education the school is of outstanding importance. (Gravissimum educationis, n. 3, 4)

And Pope John Paul II reminded us that “It is an illusion to think that we can build a true culture of human life if we do not help the young to accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true meaning and in their close interconnection.” (Evangelium Vitae)

We have our children with us for many years, in the very least 18. Thankfully we are not like the birds that push their children out of the nest in a few weeks. Even adult children still rely on their parents for guidance and care.  We get to know our children very well in these years.  The family is a privileged place for learning to love, so it is in the family where the sexual education needs to take place. Each child needs to be taught individually in this area as they are all ready for it at different ages.

We have no reason to fear the world’s teachings if we are doing our job as primary educators to teach our children all they need to know about sexuality. If they learn it from us first they will not be influenced by the wrong teachings around them and they will be able to think more critically when making a choice. But we need to be authoritative, as Jesus was, and loving in our teaching, so they will believe us and buy in to what we are teaching. We also have to be sensitive to when each child is ready to receive these teachings. The sexual education of our children is best done one on one by the parents who know the child best.

So where to start for this new school year? I am going to share with you some of the resources I have found that I have used to continue my learning and growth in this area.

To begin with if you were unable to attend Dr. Miriam Grossman’s talk last Tuesday night in Mississauga, here are some links that someone has posted online where you can watch most of it and get the main ideas. Dr. Grossman does a good job outlining the areas where we need to be concerned.

Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keeM0N86ddQ

Part 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-JZ49XN2Ak

Part 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM-UubB-RMI

Also Wendy Shalit, author of “A Return to Modesty” lives in Toronto where she and her husband raise their children. She did a good interview on the Sex Ed program for Ontario relating it to teaching our children about modesty.

You can hear it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqLBqQZMSVs

Now that the kids are in school you can start training in the Theology of the Body program for Middle School and High School children. A free series is available online for parents to train in how to teach this program to your children. The Middle School Leadership training program is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-FV4lGmiPM&list=PLqhxRU_hZjzsIUMrCMHmrGudwZEjatkhB&index=1

Watch them online or download them to listen to on your way to work. The High School Leadership Training Program is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-FV4lGmiPM&list=PLqhxRU_hZjzsIUMrCMHmrGudwZEjatkhB&index=1

The Theology of the Body for Middle School and High School programs are great programs but can be a bit pricey for a family to buy. Join with other families and get them or ask your pastor to buy them for the parish. These programs can be bought here:

http://ascensionpress.com/t/category/study-programs/teen-chastity

There are many resources that are available online for free to help you gather the knowledge you need to do a good job teaching your children.

The following documents from the Vatican can be found online for free at www.vatican.va The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality: Guidelines for Education within the Family, Deus Caritas Est, Familiaris Consortio, Humanae Vitae, Evangelium Vitae, Gaudium et Spes, Letter to Families, and many more documents that can help you as parents.

The complete texts of all of Pope John Paul II’s talks on the Theology of the Body are available here for free: https://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/JP2TBIND.HTM

These are well worth using for your time of prayer, to meditate on, one at a time. These talks are very profound and include everything we need to know about sex and marriage, but at a very deep level.

A great place to study and learn from the experts about The Theology of the Body is the International Symposia on the Theology of the Body which is held every few years. It can be found here: http://tobinternationalsymposia.com/?cat=5

The Humanum Series is also available free on the Internet, from the Vatican, that will give you videos that explain what marriage is. These videos were released after the Humanum Conference took place last year at the Vatican. They were filmed around the world and contain interviews with people like Fr. Robert Barron, Dr. Peter Kreeft and N.T. Wright.

All parents need to watch Rabbi Jonathan Sack’s address to the Humanum Conference which is found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQzt6gGwvJQ

It is so imperative these days that we are able to explain to our children what marriage is so they will want to carry on in our tradition. This talk is fabulous at helping us come up with a clever way of explaining marriage. You can also find the complete text of this talk here: http://cvcomment.org/2014/11/18/in-full-the-lord-sacks-speech-that-brought-the-vatican-conference-to-its-feet/ so that you can study it and learn it to include in your talks with your children.

There are many good chastity speakers talks that are available online. Just Google their names and look for their videos. Jason Evert has many here: https://www.youtube.com/user/jasonevert

Also the CanVox program is available online for free with good videos and readings for adults to help study marriage. They can be found here: http://www.canavox.com/

There is no excuse these days to not understand the issues involved with the sexual education of our children since there is more than enough information available to help us. The biggest problem is that we need to take the time to do it. We need to be creative in where and when to do it. We found when raising our children that when we had a child one on one in the car, going to some fun event, that that was a good place to have some of the discussions as they could hear us easily enough and they did not have to make eye contact if they were embarrassed by the discussion. These discussions involve very intimate details that many are uncomfortable with. We also found that on camping trips of the boys with dad or the girls with mom gave a great place to discuss intimate matters.

But we also need to be very comfortable discussing the topics so the kids will really listen. That is the reason I have shared all this material above. We need to study hard as parents and truly understand what our children need to know to prepare them for life. We are no longer in a Judeo-Christian Society where most people believe the same thing about marriage so it is up to us to pass on this part of the faith in a clear manner so our children can pass it on to their children.

Take to heart the words of John Paul II when he began his pontificate “Be not afraid”. Family life is the primary training ground for Catholics. With the concept of family rapidly changing in our society (redefinition of marriage in law, same sex marriage, cohabitation, casual sex, easy no-fault divorce), along with  individualism, secularism, materialism, agnosticism, hedonism, rationalism and relativism, parents have their work cut out for them. Abortion, reproductive technologies and manipulation, euthanasia, destruction of human life for scientific advancement, rampant pornography and gratuitous violence, all make it seem like we have lost the battle to raise our children Catholic. We need to remember our past and learn from our history and remember our faith will survive as long as parents do their part.

Remember how Catholicism survived in Japan. In the 1540's St. Francis Xavier and the Jesuits were missionaries in Nagasaki Japan and were responsible for over 100,000 converts.  But by 1587 Christianity was repressed in Japan as a threat to national unity and ceased to exist publicy and had to go underground much like in China  and Viet Nam for example today.

By 1610, 1 out of 6 Japanese were Catholic.  But in 1611 and 1613 the priests were expelled and thousands of Catholics were put to death. When the priests left Japan though they told the people to keep the faith and pass it on to your children, and eventually they would return.

After 250 years, 10 generations, when Japan was open up to the west again, the priests did return.   The priests would walk through the streets, dressed very conspicuously with the hope of finding some remaining Catholics.  Eventually a group of the faithful approached the priests and asked them some questions their parents had taught them on how to know a priest.  They had to figure out if they were celibate, if they loved the mother of God and if they loved the Holy Man in Rome.

The priests soon discovered that there were 30,000 Catholics remaining in Japan after the 250 years.  With only 2 sacraments, Baptism and Marriage, and in spite of great persecution, the parents had been able to pass on the faith to their children and keep the Church alive in Japan.  The Church survived because of the parents.

The New Sexual Education program in Ontario and throughout Canada truly is a major threat to our faith but we have to hold firm and teach our children the truth in a confident way that they will understand and be willing to live. We need to keep reminding ourselves that God has already won the battle for us by giving us His Son Our Lord Jesus Christ who died for us all. We just need to hold firm and do our part to help all our children and their children arrive with us in Heaven. That is our job as a parent, the primary educator of our children.

Please share any resources that you have found useful.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

"Action speak louder than words" is especially true with the education of our children, especially when trying to form your child in the area of sexuality.




When you as parents embrace and kiss each other in front of the children you show them that your affection runs throughout the course of your day-to-day interaction and you give them a sense of security.




Whether your child seems to want it or not he or she needs a good deal of affection from both parents. Healthy affection teaches your child that his or her body is good and that the appropriate degree of affection depends upon the relationship.




Our society has "sexualized" touch, but the appropriate parental touch shows your child that not all touch is sexual, that it can speak the language of familial love.

Chastity Misunderstood: Developing Self Discipline

Chastity is more about saying "yes" to love than saying "no" to sex. Chastity is about self Discipline and self-sacrifice. When we model  chastity in our life our child notices.

Self discipline directs our noble emotions, enhances our vital energy and directs them to the fulfillment of the mission at hand. Noble emotions perfect our personality and make it effective. Self discipline restrains impure emotions (pride, envy, impurity, greed, etc…) which enslave us.

By purifying our heart, we make a place in it for greatness and service.



If you want to develop self discipline we need to:

• Purify your heart from pride and envy.
• Free your heart of worldly attachments.
• Practice chastity.
• Practice meekness.
• Energize righteous wrath.

One of the primary tasks of early childhood is to develop self discipline which in turn will help to develop chastity. Parents often find themselves correcting their children for interrupting, being wild, not following instructions or for not controlling their hands or mouths. These all require self discipline. Young children are by nature impulsive.

Self-discipline is part of the solution for impulse control. A child armed with self discipline has a tremendous asset for addressing life’s challenges. So many relational and personal problems can be avoided or controlled when one has self-control.

Here are some ideas that will help develop self discipline:

1. Teach children to come when they are called.

When a parent calls a child, that child shouldn’t yell, “What?” from across the house, parking lot or playground. Children can learn to come to the parent, within a few feet, in order to have a dialog with the parent. This helps children learn that self-control sometimes means that we must give up what we would like to be doing in order to do something else.

2. Teach children to respond positively to correction.

Most children don’t like to be corrected and respond negatively in either aggressive (anger) or passive ways(bad attitude). This is unacceptable and becomes an excellent opportunity to teach self discipline. One of the facts of life is that people often must follow directions which may not be their preference. Teach children to respond with a good attitude as well as right behavior. This requires self-control and helps children learn to control their impulses. A good response to correction is sometimes difficult to learn but work in this area will help a child develop a skill which will help them forever.

3. A number of social skills require self-control.

Praise children when they demonstrate this quality and point out areas they need to work on. Listening, knowing how and when to interrupt, controlling anger, reporting back after completing a task all require self discipline.

4. Encourage children to take on activities which build self discipline.

Sports, music lessons, karate, a paper route, the caring for a neighbor’s pet, a clean room, and many other activities require self-discipline.

5. When a child receives a reward like payment for a job completed, a star on a chart or special treat, talk about self discipline.

External rewards give a great opportunity to talk about internal rewards. The real benefit to a paper route is not the money, it’s the building of self discipline. “You are pretty determined and responsible to get up every morning.” “I know you would have rather played the game but I like the way you took time to walk the dog. That shows self discipline.”

6. Use bed times to teach self control.

Some children have a hard time going to bed without creating a battle and this becomes a great opportunity to teach self discipline to children. It requires a lot of self-control for a child to stay quietly in bed while parents are still awake. Set a bedtime, develop a routine which covers all the necessary bedtime tasks and work at getting your child to stay in bed without Mom or Dad falling asleep in the room. This requires work on the part of the parent but will pay off tremendous dividends in the end.

7. Morning routines, chores, and family schedules become opportunities for children to learn responsibility and self discipline.

Responsibility is “doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” The rewards for being responsible are called privileges. The child who is responsible to get ready and be at breakfast by 7:30 a.m. is allowed the privilege of staying up until their 8:00 p.m. bedtime. Being able to choose one’s clothes is the privilege for getting dressed before the deadline. Simple benefits of life are seen as privileges associated with basic responsibility.


Some parents try to give their children an easier life than they had or they try to make their children feel good at the expense of good character. Unfortunately, this often translates into more freedom and less self-control. A wise parent will use childhood to prepare a child for success as an adult. Self discipline is one of the most important character qualities a child can develop.


If we want to prepare our children to be able to chose to develop the virtue of chastity we need to help them become self disciplined.

Frank not Ambiguous and Shameful

C1.3 of the New 2015 Sex-Ed Curriculum for Grade 1 in Ontario teaches the following:

Human Development and Sexual Health

C1.3 identify body parts, including genitalia (e.g., penis, testicles, vagina, vulva), using correct terminology [PS]

• Teacher prompt: “We talk about all body parts with respect. Why is it important to know about your own body, and use correct names for the parts of your body?”
• Student: “All parts of my body are a part of me, and I need to know how to take care of and talk about my own body. If I’m hurt or need help, and I know the right words, other people will know what I’m talking about.”

Parents of young children often use "code words" to speak of the body parts as a way to emphasize that certain body parts are especially reverenced. But this approach may give the child that there is something shameful about sexuality. It is best to use the correct term in a reverent way.

Parents Are The Primary Educators

As parents we are the primary educators of our children. Parents have the duty and the right to be the primary educators of their children.


Our role is crucial. We are the best persons who can lead out children do discover who they are. We have to form our children in love.


In order to love we have to communicate with each other. Human communication and connection occurs primarily through bodily action. We communicate and connect primarily through the language of our bodies. For example we shake hands, we hug each other, we smile, we kiss. Our bodies show us that we are meant to be gifts to others.


Parents are meant to show their love for their children through their words and deeds. Words without actions are empty. Actions without words are ambiguous.


As parents we have to initiate the conversations with our children on body image, sexuality, relationships, and chastity. If we do not invite the discussion about these issues our children will eventually learn them from someone else and may be misguided. The media and their friends may lead them astray.


We need to have an ongoing dialogue with our children, not "The Talk". By taking the initiative in chatting with them we let them know we are not afraid of speaking about sensitive topics like sexuality with them.


We should always speak about sexuality as a special gift rather than a scary topic. They should see sex as a wonderful gift to be embraced rather than feared.

Teach Your Children about the Beauty of the Human Body

One of the First Things Pope John Paul II did when he became Pope was to begin the renovations of the Sistine Chapel. He wanted the Loin Cloths removed. 

We need to fill our homes with good art that shows the beauty of the human Body. 

My Experience

I have tried to raise 7 children over the past 33 years and worked very hard at trying to teach my children in the area of sexuality. I am Catholic and teach NFP, Theology of the Body and have studied Sexual morality at University.

 I tried many things over the years. I tried taking my children out of the school based sex-Ed programs only having that back fire on me as the children learned what they missed instead on the playground which was worse. I tried homeschooling and private schooling and still was not satisfied. Some teacher always taught my children something I would have preferred they not teach them.
We live in a sexually charged society where there are no boundaries or limits on what my children can learn about without me even knowing. My child can download 50 Shades of whatever at the library behind my back.

Most parents are not adequately prepared to deal with the issues out there today. While I like the fact that the new curriculum will tackle sexting, it crosses the line on what I as a parent want to be taught to my children in other areas.

What I did learn from my experiences over the years is that I had to have the conversations early enough with my children so they could properly handle the conversations they would come upon.
I also learned that when I sat down with the teachers to discuss what they were going to teach my children I was better able to be prepared and have my children prepared for the class. I was bold with my questions to the teacher so I could get an idea where the teacher was coming from. I also had spent a lot of time cultivating a good relationship with the teachers of my children's school by being in there as a good volunteer and being very friendly and kind to all the teachers.
I also learned that most teachers are just as uncomfortable about teaching this to my children as my children are of having them teach it to them, especially in a coed class. I also learned that most of their teachers in the grade school level skipped over the issues because of lack of time or maybe not wanting to be confronted by angry parents or hopefully for they felt it was the parents job to have those conversations. Some sent the work home with a note for the parents to read this section to their child.

It's up to parents to get into the conversations with their children and the teachers. Now more than ever we have to take our role as the primary educator of our children seriously.